There's an app for that

This is an unabashed look at this single lady's experience sifting through the interwebs, because no man has yet offered to by me a book in a book store. Because really that is where I would love to meet Mr Right. He'll see me standing there with my historical fiction or travel guide and will lean over to tell me that so-and-so did it better and he'd love to buy me a copy to be proven right. I'll giggle charmingly, we'll walk down the street, new purchase in hand, and spend the next 4 hours drinking coffee and realizing that we were meant to be... But, seeing as the standard meeting place is dimly lit, loud, and alcohol infused, this does not seem likely to happen.

So instead I've joined the 21st century and spent a bit of time formulating the perfect paragraph to show that I'm witty, intelligent, attractive, kind, nerdy, confident, sarcastic and determined all while not coming across as shallow, boastful, lazy, too busy, or obnoxious.  All of that conveyed in under 500 characters from the comfort of my couch because of course, there's an app for that. Then there's the art of the selfie. One gentleman's description even put it so bluntly "are you really that attractive or is your selfie game that strong?" I think I've found my soul mate.

Once you've condensed your life to a few measly sentences and you've found the perfect pictures to showcase your intagram abilities, you sift through people who have done the same hoping you'll find someone. And glory of glories you do! And then you wait. There's this waiting game played, after you've been matched up, of who's going to make the first move. Yea, you've both admitted that on some level you're interested in the other party, but to what extent? It's incredibly daunting to initiate actual conversation even though it's from the relative anonymity of a profile picture and those less than 500 letters and punctuation marks. That little voice in the back of your mind telling you "you're a confident, modern woman! just text him!" is warring with the equally logical "don't f* up." This battle continues in your head until either he's made the first move and messaged you or you finally sucked it up and complimented his tutu. Apparently it's a thing, for a guy to wear a tutu when doing a tough-muddy-paint-thon. I don't really get it either but whatever.

Some try to cover the basics questions such as "what do you do? where are you from?" which shows that he clearly did NOT read the tiny little blurb about your life.Personally, I ignore those guys; if they can't take the 20 seconds it would take to read that, things are probably not going to get better. There are some who ask specific questions about my blurb though. Those guys get what I hope is witty and dazzling conversation. And evidently it is! Because I've had some semi-successful first dates that for one reason or another ("oh good lord that's your voice?!?!", "more than one word answers would be nice", "eh") have yet to lead to a serious significant other. There are a few second dates in the works however, so my avid readers* we'll just have to wait and see.

To be continued when I have more information and/or promising results...


*denotes the use of heavy sarcasm